Though the house is sparkling clean, there’s an undercurrent aroma of sweat. Those reed diffusers mask nothing. Are you a grandma disguised as a man?
When your fucking Roomba vacuum robot started up during my mid-Saturday Netflix binge, I nearly soiled your leather sectional. Speaking of which, decorating with a leather sectional demonstrates a serious lack of imagination. And promotes laziness. See mention of Saturday binge.
You have a furniture problem. There’s too much in the living room and too little in the bedroom. I need a fucking bedside table!
And I really don’t want to get personal but Cocoa Puffs?
Maybe I’m a hotel girl at heart…